Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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