SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize