I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
