I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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