there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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