Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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