Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
