Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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