I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
