shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
