Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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