Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
