matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How does it feel to date your dad?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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