So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
