and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
