she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
