omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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