you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
