She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
