He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
