I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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