i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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