just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i dont even know how to be here
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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