i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
