hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
