even my farts smell like vagina
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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