Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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