I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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