Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
