We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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