Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
