is your mom at the bar?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
