thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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