Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
