You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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