She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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