I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
