Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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