i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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