sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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