I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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