I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize