did you get engaged???
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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