FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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