I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
