Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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