let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
