exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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