She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
