i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize