The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
