I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
