This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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