My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What changed your mind?
Being sober
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
