is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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