I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
