Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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