My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
