There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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