The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize