is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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