I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
