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He uses pillows to masturbate.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
