i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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