I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
