you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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