also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize