and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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