So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
