it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
