A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
