He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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