He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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