uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
