waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
