Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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